1.) You’re a woman.

2.) You think double entendres like “Bitches Blow” and “Nice Rack” are funny and clever, as opposed to embarrassingly cliché and redundant.

3.) You constantly find yourself naked at the end of the game.

4.) A simple taunt or distraction totally fucking devastates your performance.

5.) When at a house party, you find the best player around and are constantly on his dick, hoping he will let you be on his team.

6.) You regularly insist that everyone should start to play flip cup instead.

7.) You complain that you cannot make a clutch shot unless “Your Song” is playing. When the opponent generously puts on your song, you miss the shot by a mile.

8.) You’re a snippy little bitch about opponents finishing their drinking cup before shooting.

9.) Hitting a cup is a borderline orgasmic experience (often goes hand-in-hand with Sign #1).

10.) You’re certain you could play better if only you were sober.

Note: This was simultaneously published on GoldenLiterature.com (not that you should care).